This is godawfully funny and sadly -- so, so true. Courtesy of poster Bruce Gorton at ThinkProgress.org.
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And George went down unto the lord, and asked the lord how he shall prevail, and the lord said unto George “Rise George, and take unto thee these tablets.” And George was confused, for he saw no holy tablets, only slabs of stone with writing on them, so he asked the lord “What tablets my lord? For I see no narcotics upon thine stone bits.” The lord sighed deeply, and answered “The stone bits are tablets, no don’t try to swallow them you idiot, they aren’t that kind… pull your pants up man, shit here I am giving you the ultimate wisdom of how to maintain and keep your grip on power and I have to explain what a tablet is? Shit, the guy upstairs never had this problem with Moses. Look, take those stone things with text on them there, right?” “Yes…”“Then take them up to your followers, these are your new commandments, and with them you shall have victory.” And so it was, that George ascended the great crator of Las Vegas, Nevada, and brought with him the Republican fifteen commandments, and the Republicans rejoiced, for their new age of darkness was upon the world. The Fifteen Comandments--
1: Keep the people afraid at all times.
2: Thought is the enemy, when in doubt, blame the intellectuals, judiciary and opposition.
3: The definition of junk science is science that doesn’t agree with the president.
4: Loyalty is for minions to demonstrate to leaders, not for leaders to demonstrate to minions.
5: The appearance of righteousness is more important then actually being righteous. Never be afraid to thump your bible while lying about its contents.
6: Always remember, whatever you do somebody else has done it too, and really shouldn’t their morality be looked into?
7: Never trust the people. Tap their phones, feed them false information, and if they don’t vote for you, disenfranchise the bastards.
8: People tend not to change presidents during a war. Even if the president started the war.
9: Might is not only right, but also trumps bright. If you are strong but stupid, people will vote for you and not blame you for your misdeeds, if you are bright but weak, people won’t vote for you but will blame you for the other guy’s misdeeds.
10: Never apologise, never admit weakness, and never, ever, take responsibility.
11: But always claim your enemies are arrogant, weak, and incapable of taking responsibility. See 6.
12: The media is like a pet dog, if you kick it it will be on your side, if you let it run free, it will piss on your lawn and bite you.
13: Whenever someone attacks you on the issues, always remember to label them. Environmentalists are for example, tree huggers, peace activists are peaceniks, and anybody mentioning a duty to their common man is a pinko liberal. Get creative, and remember, no label is ever too childish, no matter what the moonbats and the haters say.
14: Diplomacy is another word for calling someone a madman and an idiot in the hopes that they will start the war, thereby giving you really good PR when you squash them.
15: Always remember, the only good leak is a leak that reflects badly on somebody else.
----krazee
2 comments:
Do you know who Herb Caen was? He wrote a "3 dot" column for the SF Chronicle for many years. He always referred to SF as "Baghdad by the Bay".
Good Stuff, keep up the good work..
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